YTA. Imagine if girlfriend was an alcoholic and insisting on bringing her own Shirley Temples to the event and OP is insisting on her having the margaritas and wine spritzers because tradition.. I stopped reading when you said she had an eating disorder. Holidays are for family. If he wants to be accepted by the family, the he and his wife need to be accepting of the family. Privacy Policy. Apparently, none of this has registered with you. Sugar can trigger the binge purge cycle. That shit is full of carbs and fats and bacon and butter and sugar. YTA - your GF is recovering from an ED and you are not being supportive at all. This didnt have to be a thing until you made it one. My cousin started dating a woman with Celiacs and before I even met her I was texting him to ask her about how I could adjust some of our standby recipes or holiday snacks so she could enjoy them too. Ive seen people who are intermittent fasting talk about how they wont be invited to family events because they wouldnt eat. In addition to not supporting her recovery from ED, when you change someones diet to stuff they dont normally eat, your GF might end up spending most of the night in the bathroom, with diarrhea, because her body isnt use to processing all the new stuff. Just a heads up, you should probably change GF to partner or SO. Absolutely wild that youd take this position without even checking with your family, and also theyre all assholes too if they have a problem with it. She would be painfully and violently sick for the next 2 days. Anyone probes, it is noneaya (as in none of your business). Her offer to bring her own food means she doesn't want to be a burden on your family. Her suggestions were completely reasonable, she's not in a place yet to handle the kind of meal you suggested (she may never be). If she's so important that after 3 years you want her to spend the holidays with her family, you wouldn't be making such a big deal out of something so minor. She said that ever since she and her fianc Tim, 23, got engaged, her brother, cousin, dad and uncle have joked about "running some 'tests'" to find out what "type" of man he is. You are disgusting and selfish and so freaking ignorant about ED but have the fucking audacity to undermine her struggles. YTA- what is up with all these posts about people being so weird about their partners bringing food to a family gathering? Nobody who eats pizza and sweet potatoes with marshmallows has license to say someone ELSE is making a bad impression! And shes just being difficult anyway. And her offering to bring a dish to the meal is actually very appropriate!! There is no way that you think you are not the asshole when you OBVIOUSLY ARE. Join half a million readers enjoying Newsweek's free newsletters. Big time YTA. You are actually the biggest ahole of ahole's. Do you know how crippling it is to battle yourself? Now I hope she gets support and this man grows the hell up, butshe has an ED and is pretending like all of this is non ED behavior. It's very simple to inform people that your girlfriend will be bringing her own food for medical reasons. I hope she realizes how much better she can do and breaks up with you. Yta no question. the holidays. Belle, Mama and my sister are on my side but I'm starting to feel really bad because my brother has essentially been disowned by my parents in the fall out and I feel like the punishment may not fit the crime. They should also be accommodated with a chair. Or, are there certain diets that people recovering use to help recover? YTA which I dont really understand bc the first half of your post, you seemed really empathetic and understanding in regards to her recovery.. Please either get your head out of your rear end or leave that poor girl alone. Its unreasonable to demand that she come to the party, eat the food that makes her sick, and not allow her to bring anything she makes. On her AITA post, she thinks she can "fix" this issue by just educating him more about her traumabut she's also worried that opening up that discussion will make things worse.. Like girl, if you're worried that educating him may make him less flexible, you gotta just let this one go. ", She explained that Tim has asthma but that the men in her family think he is "making excuses" and call him "slow" and "soft." You are denying her that. Because that is what an eating disorder is like. YTA. Side note that I haven't seen many people comment about. Why are you so intent on "tradition" that you'd rather your GF be miserable at? YTA for sure. It's painful to read about how honest she has been with you and how little empathy you have. Sweet potatoes/orange yams that have been sugared and buttered and drowned in marshmallows are not an uncommon dish for some Americans. Your GF (I hope she has the good sense to make you an EX) has serious heath issues and needs to be mindful of what she eats. Thats like telling a recovering alcoholic to just have a glass of wine in their hand the whole night and not worry about it. If you are changing your tradition, why cant you make a keto friendly pizza? And how do you know your family wont like it if she brings her own food if you didnt ask? YTA. Grow up and if you are going to be her support system you need to educate yourself and take this seriously. You think your girlfriend of years is overreacting to you excluding her from your family holidays because the idea of food on the table is somehow offensive to you? If youre anywhere near St. Louis, come get food. Otherwise I use sweet potatoes as a potato replacement - butter, salt, garlic, a little pepper, chives, and melted mixed cheese . :). Yta. If it was just keto, I'd say your GF has to just deal with it and grow up, but it's not, it's a serious eating disorder, and that's not something you fuck around with. and then the fact that he's already saying triggering food will be put on her plate and she's expected to take it off her plate so it doesn't offend anyone? "Hey, Dad, my GF has some special dietary needs and will be bringing a side dish or two to share or bring a small meal for herself to supplement what she can't eat. Hope you enjoy your pizza and your empty house when you get home!!! YTA would you ask someone recovering from a broken leg to go on a hike just because that's "what the family likes"? My family really likes our meal as it is. Please. I'd work social events around needing to purge after, because I couldn't stand the feeling of not being able to do it. YTA. YTA - if she had a food allergy or diabetes would you also force her to eat stuff that makes her sick? And congratulations on the engagement! The moment I saw eating disorder, keto, and helping keep her keep on track. I'm sure your family will be understanding, but you have to discuss it! You said yourself that your GF's diet is very important for her physical and mental health and wellbeing. Her proposal is not in conflict to that love: it is her best attempt to acknowledge both. OP, you need to support her in this, and you need to understand that this is life and death for her. She's provided you with so many middle ground solutions and you shot every single one of them down because "oh no, she'll offend my poor family". What if this meal that she has with you and your family is what triggers her to spiral and end up in the hospital or dead? If she were a recovering alcoholic, would she be nitpicky for asking to bring non-alcoholic drinks for herself? if shes still restricting by doing keto, and has food anxieties, it doesnt sound like shes fully recovered. YTA. Or if pastry intimidates you that much - mix up the crust! honestly sounds like shes still struggling with her ED, just in a different way. I really wanted to spend a holiday with her, i think it's important she meets my family (I was actually planning on proposing next year and wanted her to meet everyone first). You should respect that. Restrictive diets (like keto) are often an intermediate step. You should never force hee to eat things she is not comfortable with. This isn't about her recovery, this is about avoiding a huge pothole. I mean, theres molasses in brown sugar. The flip-flopping can be seriously unhealthy. Because being in your girlfriends situation would break me more than Im already broken, and I can imagine the shit she deals with in your day to day. Keto pizza is a real thing. It can be as harmful as being addicted to drugs or alcohol. I have told my GF a lot about our traditions, and she asked if she could bring a few dishes and a dessert, since she can't eat most of the food, but I think she's just being picky (like she says she couldn't eat a green bean casserole from a traditional recipe because it has canned soup in it and she doesn't want to eat anything with too many preservatives). Shes asking to supply herself with food she knows she can eat. US yams are just sweet potatoes by another name. But their bringing food would never be an issue. Im 28. Im pretty sure the Queen would have been more understanding than OP. OP literally couldn't have planned a worse meal for her. Why fuck with that? he told me he was gonna propose to his girlfriend, he showed me the ring and everything. Peoples mindset is wild. To our infant daughter. There would be no issue with her bringing some dishes to share with your family that she knows she can eat. How dare his girlfriend request to make a (checks notes again) homemade pie?! They still make me gag. AITA for uninviting my brother from my wedding Okay so I know how this goes. My husband just saw my menu and was like Why? You are completely disregarding your partners mental health. If you want this person in you life you need to immediately apologize, re-invite her, and ask her to contribute dishes she would feel comfortable bringing to share with everyone. Eat the Christmas pizza or JESUS will be angry! YTA you dont seem to understand that she is and will always have an ED. I legitimately cannot understand how you'd presumably like this person and then dismiss everything about their eating disorder out of hand because you don't want to make ANY allowances. I was so ! Topped with marshmallows and broiled until they puff up and brown. AITA? What an idiot! she's working incredibly hard to establish a good relationship with food, and he's so tone-deaf he can't understand how badly he's undermining her. Let her bring a decent meal. YTA, you just said she was starving herself and youre criticising her recovery, her way of healing? You are not husband material. Her health is her first priority. Lana said some things about how we'll never be a 'proper' married couple and used homophobic language. You're right. calling the kids leeches. If the best option to suit their needs/preferences is for them to bring their own food, you make it as easy as possible for them to store it and reheat. You clearly don't understand ED and how long it takes, if ever to get to a healthy state. Good for you for drawing a line, I wish you both the best. In recovery doesnt mean cured. I'm not recovering from an ED but I am eating keto and have to watch what I eat because I gain weight easily. He talks about "cheat" day like she's just on a fad diet to lose a couple pounds instead of managing a life threatening illness. YTA Eating meals entirely different than what she normally eats could cause her to be miserably ill, and then theres the entire lack of respecting her nutritional and mental health needs. I understand you like your traditional food, but its totally opposite to how some people eat. And we always toast on new years and NO sparkling- full champagne, its tradition! You dont get to make that decision for somebody. Pizza, lasagne and pies. I felt better than I had my whole life. Its not that bad, but I dont do it with marshmallows but a oat type streusel topping. So you knowing how difficult this is to overcome shows how unreasonable and selfish you really are. YTA. Dude is such a big AH hes like a ring of flesh with a face. YTA. She offered not one but TWO perfectly acceptable compromises and you shot them both down. YTA for but making any effort to educate yourself on your gf's very real health concerns. Maybe it will be worth it though. (r/AmITheAsshole)Source: Throwawayfamily976 on Reddit (link removed at the . EDIT: So as folks in comments have said, GF (who refers to herself as fianc) posted her side of the story earlier, and about two weeks ago posted about how she was encouraging him to take a job that he wouldn't because it paid less than hers. Whether or not her Keto diet were by choice or doctors recommendation and combined with her ED history makes YTA. 4.) From OP, I thought she was trying to bring a whole different main course or something. Your Thanksgiving will now be exactly the same as it always was while you attend the exact way you always have: without a partner to share it with. YTA - She has an eating disorder and is in recovery from it. You are more worried about upsetting your family when you don't even know how they would feel about it. Mentions the store bought a couple times and that she offered to bring a dessert. YTA - I dont know if anyone else has mentioned this but your gf is on keto, which doesnt typically allow for cheat days. on keto diet your body enters ketosis, having a cheat day would stop ketosis and it can take several days to reenter this state. She doesn't like store bought pies because they don't taste as good as homemade says they aren't worth the calories which seems nitpicky. She's recovering from an ED, do you really think having her put on a large amount of weight within a few days will help her? So far, so normal. He needs her to feel less than she is, weak and dependent. If that was indeed your partner who also posted on here then oh my goodness you are wack af. It's baby steps. Newsflash, relationships are about compromise. She should be able to say "I'm sorry, I'm on a special diet, but I'm going to enjoy being here and talking to you and watching you have a good time.". The nerve! YTA and an incredibly selfish and immature person. YTA! She doesn't like store bought pies because they don't taste as good as homemade says they aren't worth the calories which seems nitpicky. YTA. If I wasnt broke Id donate to the gofundme to fly her to a small town so she can Hallmark it up and meet a nice guy in flannel who actually cares about her. Shame on you for even thinking your traditions trump her health. Going out of ketosis causes significant water retention. Why? Focusing on how she's getting her calories (for her health) instead of this OP AH who keeps minimizing, undermining, and sometimes even denying her health condition, health risks, relapse risks, etc. YTA. Thank you. I dont think OP has enough humility to do any serious introspection. Grow up dude. And why not just explain the situation to your family beforehand. YTA and need to leave her for HER good. Info: why do you hate your girlfriend and want to make her eating disorder worse? Your gf is in recovery. Occasionally, that makes her look weird. Yes, all of this. I'm sure they'd be happy to include some other dishes in the meal. So basically, your family's traditions (while YES, SO important-I get that) are MORE important to you that your gf's well being. I hope she dumps you, she deserves better. Its not a big deal dude. And if she has a way of coping with it that keeps her from falling back into that deep pit, shouldn't you be happy that you have such a grown, mature woman for a wife that knows what keeps her healthy and happy and able to be the woman you know now? You really have no concept of what an eating disorder actually is. Absolutely!! that would make sense if fiance talked to his mom before he made this post, to really throw her off the trail, She said that she made changes to keep anonymity. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. YTA, would you tell an alcoholic that its OK to have a binge day? Like let her relax, who cares if she's got some "weird" food issues, do you love her, or do you love the idea of a "chill" gf who has no personal standards or self-determination more? If she was allergic to dairy? Should she bring her own exclusive meal, just for her - No. YTA and please dont propose to this poor woman. Traditions evolve and are only meant to be a point of reference. Eat the Christmas pizza or Santa will be angry! She will spend the rest of the night in agony in the bathroom. You are minimizing her struggle and that alone makes YTA. This! YTA, and I can't believe you're naive enough to not see that you're going to give her a relapse by acting this way. I also have an eating disorder and i feel so bad for your (hopefully ex) girlfriend. Either way, not so great for health or recovery. Then I decided to reintroduce normal eating patterns. I hope she leaves you and finds someone who wants the best for her. Have some compassion. If you dont get over yourself, youll find yourself single by Christmas. They are about control as often as not and youve taken away all her choices and control in this situation and then reduced her concerns to her being nitpicky. Youve been together 3 years, so I have a hard time believing youre oblivious to how her eating disorder manifests itself and what triggers her anxiety surrounding it, and I dont know either of you so of course I cant say for sure, but shes offered you multiple possible options for how she might be able to participate while accommodating herself, likely not because shes being rude as you suggest, but because this is how she can best avoid her triggers and maintain her health. AITA for uninviting my girlfriend to Christmas because she wanted to Get over yourselves! You KNOW shes in recovery for an eating disorder and you think shes overly picky, ridiculous, rude, and that shes overreacting to you being a gigantic asshole? Clickbait title followed by "it's not as bad as it sounds". She's not fully healed yet, but at least she's not purging anymore from what she said. You really need to grow up. Would you have the same opinion if she had food allergies or sensitivities and had to bring her own food to safely eat at the holiday meal? Educate yourself and do better. Would you ask a diabetic to "stop being picky" for one meal? Stop insisting that she have a cheat day. She got upset and really hurt, and I think she's just overreacting. If she eats too much at the party, she will feel guilt that it's not what she wants/needs at this time and then she will purge. He just made the unilateral decision on his own. Her dad said they would all apologize if she insisted, but that Tim would "lose the little respect" that the men had gained for him. She talks about going to his mom Not to mention that anyone even halfway decent would have 0 problems with someone bringing their own food. She's your girlfriend and you're trying to tell her not to eat foods that keep her in a safe mental space. Hes definitely TA here. Do yourself a favour and look up eating disorders. She was really trying here and you're just being an AH about it. You didn't even try talking with your family about it. Would you act this same way if she had food allergies and couldn't eat your family's meal without becoming ill? And the NE! Its not like asking an alcoholic to have a drink. What is the problem with her bringing extra dishes that the family can partake in as well?? AITA for suggesting my gf end a 22 year friendship? I didn't even need to read past that. I do not believe she is the difficult one here, nor rude in the least. You havent step a moment into her shoes and you think you know better?! Jeez. I do believe he should take a stance on it though, he seems too neutral considering his sister is LGBT, Thank you. Shes not forcing your family to not eat their traditional foods. YTA, In my family several guests contribute whatever dish they like to add to the meal. Its just changing your eating patterns. YTA, these are actual dietary restrictions and you're incredibly unsupportive. Wth. Her current diet is part of her recovery and its working. Sorry but if you consistently eat keto then eat a lot of carbs it can make you sick. Idk much about it,but sounds like food is still a huge issue. I am keto in fact, for different reasons. She's not trying to take away from your tradition, she's just trying to make it suitable for her mental health. You need to apologise and learn more about eating disorders and how much they mess with your head. I'm sure if you explained the situation to your family they would (hopefully) understand. he decided he wanted to propose to his girlfriend there. Couldnt even make that effort? An eating disorder is incredibly difficult to manage because you have to make decisions three or four times a day every day about what to eat, how much to eat. 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